They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
