i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
