i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
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