Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Randomize
