I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
