So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
