Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
Randomize
