I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
