I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I lost the right to judge tonight
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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