Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
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You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
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Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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