oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
