So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
our cab driver is having phone sex.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
