The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Don't make out with my wife yet
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Randomize
