i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
