he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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