I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
