Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Randomize
