Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
