I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
