so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
