I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
