I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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