I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
You know, be my cock's hype man.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
3pm strippers are depressing
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
