even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
