I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
