i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize
