You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Randomize
