Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
