My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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