I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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