i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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