Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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