Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Randomize
