vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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