I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
