what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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