I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
Randomize
