Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
