Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
