yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
