I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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