My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
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