FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
