im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Randomize
