you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
