why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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