dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
