I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
