I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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