so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
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