He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
