I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Randomize
