Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Randomize
