i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
