She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
