Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
