Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
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Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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