I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Just pee around me
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
