so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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