Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
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