i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
