Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
He called his prostate his "boner button".
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
