i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
