I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
