Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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