i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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