You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
