"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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