Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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