Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
