I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Randomize
