What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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