I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
