So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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