i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
no more heavy drinking durning the lady that cleans the office told me i have to emtpy my own thrash if i puke in it
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
