I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
