John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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