He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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