So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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