Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
