Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
