he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
