Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
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