I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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