Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
Farmville is her only friend.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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