I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
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