Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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